Seriously, honestly, why don't they make posters like this anymore!?
Genre: Action Adventure Sci Fi Cult Classic!
Starring: Mark Hamill (The Big Red One • Batman: Mask of the Phantasm), Harrison Ford (Blade Runner • Indiana Jones And The Temple of Doom)
Directed By: George Lucas (American Graffiti • THX 1138)
Overview: Luke Skywalker dreams of a life with more excitement than farming on his father's land. When he buys a droid with a mission that could cripple the evil Empire, his dreams of adventure bittersweetly come to pass.
The biggest challenge about writing a post about Star Wars would have to be coming up with an original thought on the subject. Do I focus on the self, speaking of the wonder and awe that I experienced as a child, remembering that Return of The Jedi was one of the first 'real' movies I saw in theaters and how much I loved it, and consequently, how the original Star Wars saga is a huge Tetris brick in the makeup of my childhood pop culture psyche? Right, like you haven't hear that old nut before.
I KNOW you don't want me talking technical specs like some geeked-out dweeboid. There are so many more painful things I'd rather be doing to myself, too, don't worry. Do Star Wars toys topics fall far enough from the tree to be out of the realm of the Nerd-O-Meter range? Not that it matters. I never had or cared to have any of the toys. I say 'Suck it' to that huge Millenium Falcon thing, it was too big.
Alright, let me think. Perhaps I can approach this film in the series from the angle of 'film critic who's seen this for the first time in years and is for the first time officially approaching it critically'.
Hey ever notice how much those Storm Troopers suck? "These blast points, too accurate for Sandpeople. Only Imperial stormtroopers are so precise." Right, thanks Obi-Wan, your propagandist Jedi mind trick didn't work on me that time. Storm Troopers can't hit shit on a good day... Oh, you've heard that one?
How about, 'Hey, why don't Storm Trooper armor actually deflect laser weapons? They totally look like they should. So why do they wear them exactly? Just to have 30 extra pounds on them?' Oh. You've though of that, too...
Try this one. "You know that thing that Luke trains on? The mini-laser ball that is programmed to fly around and shoot him? Why aren't those standard issue grenade-type weapons for Stormtroopers? That way they could go around all the corners Luke and Leia kill half the Imperial Army with all the time, for Christ's sake." Alright maybe you know that if Star Wars Episode IV was anything like reality, our heroes would have died 30 times before they ever got a shot at the Death Star's corridor.
But then again maybe not. What surprises me most about Star Wars: Episode IV is how, at my age, I'm running into adults who've never seen it, which serves to make me an even-more crochety old man in my soon-to-be middle age.
For everyone who read this post in hopes of getting an original thought on Star Wars: Episode IV, I can only tell you that would be an act in futility. What I will do is end with an opinion of the best and worst parts of the film.
The best thing about Star Wars is that poster sitting at the top of this post. The biggest travesty Lucas has done this side of the Dagobah System is exemplified in that photo, below. Shame on you, Lucas for disallowing Han the right to be straight-up mercenary without Moral ambiguity that we all knew he was.
HAN SHOT FIRST!
Performance: 8 Cinematography: 9 Script: 8 Plot: 9 Mood: 9
Overall Rating: 86% (Of Force It's Good!)
Hey check out all the hotlinks in this post. They're awesome, even if some are filthy NSFW pics!