Starcrash (1979) * Weird & Wacky * * Worst Hit *

Oh.. my... coolness. I think I've just seen the best poster... in the universe.

Genre: Sci-Fi (USA, Italy)

Starring: Marjoe Gortner (American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt), Caroline Munro (The Golden Voyage of Sinbad)

Directed By: Luigi Cozzi

Overview: A pair of smugglers run into a survivor on a secret mission to destroy the evil Count Zartham's secret weapon... and decide to help destroy it... or something...

Performance:

Marjoe, who got top billing in this post, also stars in IMDb's bottom 100 films: #68 - American Ninja 3: Blood Hunt. Caroline Monroe on the other hand was not terrible, has a nice set of teeth and knows how to dress for a trip to an ice planet, hoo boy! The big surprise here is not only in Christopher Plummer (Ararat; Syriana), as the Emperor, but the great and magnificent David Hasselhoff, ("Knight Rider"; "Baywatch"). This is so badly acted that you love watching this kind of thing with friends. The Armenian said it best, "It's nice to have porn-caliber acting without all the nudity for once."
Rating: 3

Cinematography:

Star Wars was big budget, this was not. It's not fair to compare the two, even though the point was to rip the successful original right off. Actually, this movie shouldn't be compared to any other unless their budget is reduced to shooting their film inside a really big cardboard box, because that's obviously what they did for this one. All the live scenes were shot first, then, with some fancy origami, they crafted the spaceships out of the cardboard backdrops. Then they glued on model set left-overs (yes, the part you throw out after you've finished making the model in question). At least they had enough money left for goofy outfits and laser beams.
Rating: 4

Script:

In all fairness we were laughing way too hard at our own heckling to understand the subtle nuances of cultural subtext and the deep social commentary Starcrash was conveying. From time to time we heard someone say something like "I can see into the future but I can't share it with you, or do anything to act against destiny." Riiight, I'm gonna start using that line myself.
Rating: 3

Plot:

You just know this is the kind of story that doesn't need to "explain" things or "validate" plot developments. When the bad guy turns out to be the good guy and everyone's ok with the trust issues that would normally raise, you let it slide. When people have adventure for adventure's sake, there's no need to throw in all these reasons that make no sense, unless of course, that's your game, which it should be, otherwise ouch.
Rating: 4

Mood:

Wacky is an understatement. Thank God these guys know the different between laser-rifle, eye-laser and spaceship-laser sounds. I mean they all have a distinct ring to them, you know? And there's nothing more distinct than the sound of lasers dancing around in your hand. Girlfriend of Squish couldn't get over the fact that there was a collar attached to that almost-nothing outfit. It's good to know that everyone had something different to set them off into hysterics. That's what I'm talking about.
Rating: 9

Captured by Amazons? And somehow this is a PROBLEM?!

Overall Rating: 46% (Slow Down For This Accident!)

Aftertaste:

I'm not convinced that this is meant to be taken seriously, it's just too far out there. What I did find along the way in my research was that the director also did a rip-off of Alien, called Contamination, which I've queued up in my 'Must See' list, for sure. Besides that there are even a few fan sites devoted entirely to this film!

Don't judge the rating. Though technically flawed... terribly, terribly flawed... this is a party film. Have a bunch of drunks over and let fly the banter!