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Alone In The Dark (2005)

A museum curator's most important asset is certainly his .45
A museum curator's most important asset is certainly his .45

Genre: Action Horror Thriller (USA, Canada, Germany)

Starring: Christian Slater (True Romance; Gleaming The Cube), Tara Reid (The Big Lebowski; American Pie)

Directed By: Uwe Boll (House of the Dead; Postal)

Overview: A paranormal archaeologist finds one of the final artifacts that once belonged to an ancient race who believed that there was a portal to another world. Evil things lurk in the darkness in this other world, and they may be closer than we think

Performance:

Christian Slater. I like him. A lot. With such films as Heathers and Pump Up The Volume, I have my loyalties (and no I never saw Kuffs). I thought I would venture in the mire of the realm of 'this sucks' that I was warned about. Direction wise, weak, there were little things that bothered me in almost every single scene, but Christian Slater was certainly not one of them. Sorries aren't enough to make up for the other flat, static and lame stereotypical caricatures. Slater saved the day. Uwe makes terribly atrocious films.
Rating: 6

Cinematography:

The look of the film had it's moments, great fight scenes I must say, a touch of action-packed Bruckheimer definitely. The production value of this film is good, and professional, but nothing particularly original, a little too Aliens if you ask me. Professional? Yes, good, yes, fine.
Rating: 7

Script:

The script really had its moments of good strong effort. A little too often however, the deliveries of the weak plot development and characterization were done simply to get the point across rather than leave anything to the imagination, provide lessons, or add wit or character nuances. Everyone was just too stereotypical. Bleh.
Rating: 4

Plot:

The premise was not the worst, though I think I liked this movie better when it was called Aliens. This has nothing to do with the video game it's named after, and the story is not very interesting. The movie, I felt was too long, though I did like the fact that there was a group rather than just one guy. Makes for better gore, though I was not satisfied with the bloodletting to tell you the truth. The last 15 minutes were stupid and terrible and unbelievable enough to drop a point from an already weak story. Tough.
Rating: 4

Mood:

Do you mind the occasional gratuitous 'Disney-Sex' scene (that's above the waist shots with no nudity)? Sure a little. Very little. But when I noticed that Christian Slater was actually still in his underpants during all those grinding moments, along with this terrible rendition of the song '7 Seconds' or whatever it's called, I laughed... hard. Throughout, consistently: Garbage. This was unimaginative and I watched this with a constantly stretched suspension of disbelief. I mean when a full size city evacuates in 4 hours? Cute, no. What a stupid!
Rating: 4

"Wait, no! We'll completely versed in tactical assault training, we're ARCHIVISTS FOR GOD'S SAKE!"
"Wait! Of course we're completely versed in tactical assault training, we're ARCHIVISTS FOR GOD'S SAKE!"

Overall Rating: 50% (I'd Rather Spend Two Hours Alone In the Dark)
Aftertaste:

I know people told me how bad this was. Knowing that and still going in and taking part makes one's opinion of something much more tolerable. Then the review. A little damning yes. I won't say this is the worst movie ever because the casting and the budget was decent. The problem was everything else. Don't bother. Ever.

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50%?! *GAG*

You're obviously much more forgiving of horror than I am.

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