priligy tablets buy priligy online dapoxetine purchase priligy pills dapoxetine tablets dapoxetine 60mg buy dapoxetine priligy online priligy 30mg priligy 30 mg dapoxetine 30mg dapoxetine priligy priligy 60 mg where can i buy dapoxetine dapoxetine dosage dapoxetine online priligy online pharmacy priligy uk buy dapoxetine online priligy dosage generic priligy priligy results buy priligy tablets dapoxetine price dapoxetine online pharmacy priligy dapoxetine buy where can i buy priligy dapoxetine pills where to buy priligy dapoxetine 30 priligy prescription buy dapoxetine 60mg priligy medicine dapoxetine online purchase priligy price buy priligy dapoxetine online priligy dapoxetine 30mg order priligy online where to buy dapoxetine priligy 30mg tablets dapoxetine uk where can i get priligy dapoxetine generic priligy effectiveness priligy 60 mg tablets dapoxetine 60 mg online priligy without prescription order priligy dapoxetine tablets 60 mg dapoxetine prescription where to get dapoxetine priligy dapoxetine 60mg dapoxetine drug viagra with dapoxetine dapoxetine 30 mg tablet priligy 60 mg price priligy pharmacy dapoxetine for sale priligy tabletes dapoxetine sildenafil where to get priligy priligy tablets uk dapoxetine effects order dapoxetine does priligy work dapoxetine order online dapoxetine alternative dapoxetine tablets price where to buy dapoxetine online cialis with dapoxetine dapoxetine tablets 30 mg dapoxetine tablets online sildenafil and dapoxetine priligy and viagra priligy drug priligy 30mg price priligy for sale priligy tab 30mg tadalafil dapoxetine dapoxetin bestellen premature ejeculation tablets priligy 60mg dapoxetine and sildenafil tablets priligy cost dapoxetine and sildenafil dapoxetine poxet 60 buy priligy cheap dapoxetine 30mg buy online priligy dapoxetina dapoxetine combination dapoxetine 90mg priligy 60 dapoxetine and viagra dapoxetin 60mg priligy pills for sale dapoxetine best price cheap priligy cialis and dapoxetine tadalafil and dapoxetine how to use dapoxetine priligy canada viagra and priligy dapoxetine usa cialis dapoxetine priligy and cialis together viagra dapoxetine dapoxetine pills for sale priligy and viagra combination generic priligy online priligy in usa sildenafil with dapoxetine cialis with dapoxetine review stop premature ejeculation priligy viagra dapoxetine and viagra together buy dapoxetine cheap priligy review uk buy generic priligy online how long does priligy last cialis last longer dapoxetine canada what is priligy priligy tablets review can you take priligy with viagra cialis plus dapoxetine dapoxetine and cialis together sildenafil dapoxetine combination priligy and viagra together dapoxetine and cialis tadalafil with dapoxetine online cialis priligy what is dapoxetine buy cheap priligy online can i take priligy with viagra generic dapoxetine online sildenafil dapoxetine tablets sildenafil and dapoxetine combination how to take priligy cialis and priligy together does dapoxetine work how to use dapoxetine tablets tadalafil dapoxetine combination dapoxetine 60 priligy combined with cialis tadalafil dapoxetine tablets cheap dapoxetine how to use dapoxetine and sildenafil tablets viagra priligy priligy usa do you need a prescription for priligy dapoxetine sildenafil combination priligy how long does it last what is dapoxetine and sildenafil tablets priligy cheap tadalafil and dapoxetine tablets sildenafil plus dapoxetine dapoxy 60 can priligy be taken with cialis dapoxetine and tadalafil dapoxetina 30mg dapoxetine for sale online dapoxetine vs viagra dapoxy 60 mg priligy 30 mg or 60 mg priligy cialis together priligy canada pharmacy sildenafil with 30mg of dapoxetine dapoxetin tablete can you take dapoxetine with viagra dapoxetine with sildenafil dapoxetine tadalafil combination dapoxetine and sildenafil tablets dosage dapoxetine and sildenafil combination tadalafil plus dapoxetine how to get priligy dapoxetine half life dapoxetine canadian pharmacy how long does priligy last for priligy dose priligy original dapoxetine sildenafil tablets ever long tablet benefits dapoxetin priligy last longer deutsch everlong dapoxetine original priligy online priligy buy online canada dapoxetine plus sildenafil sildenafil dapoxetine dosage does dapoxetine really work dapoxetine and sildenafil tab priligy canada where to buy priligy 30 mg 3 tablet priligy in canada priligy united states dapoxetine and sildenafil tablet Tripping Stardust Through Fetid Film XIII - Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000) * Worst Hit * | Filmsquish.com

Tripping Stardust Through Fetid Film XIII - Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 (2000) * Worst Hit *

That's right, Jonny. you take that top billing, and you LIKE IT.
That's right, Jonny. You take that top billing, and you LIKE IT.

Genre: Action Sci-Fi

Starring: Barry Pepper (Saving Private Ryan • The Three Burials of Melquiades Estrada), John Travolta (Pulp Fiction • Face/Off)

Directed By: Roger Christian (Underworld Masterminds)

Overview: Battlefield Earth is the story of a barbarian human with one decent brain cell going up against the technologically superior yet evil, conniving, backstabbing giants called the Psychlos. Just in case you had a doubt, they're the bad guys in this one and no there is no nuance to them, there's no 'maybe they have some sensitive qualities that may explain or liken this race of invaders to ours'. And on top of it all, they don't even have the sense to shorten a word like Man-Animal to 'Manimal'. 

Taglines:
Prepare For Battle
Take Back The Planet
Prepare to go Psychlo



Where do I go from here? Do I extol the virtues of L. Ron Hubbard, madman inventor of Scientology and author of the novel Battlefield Earth, an obvious parallel of the humans fighting back against the Scientology's Satan, the evil Xenu? Nah. Let's go the route of exposition shall we?

Earth is a little runty worthless planet that was long ago blowed up and conquered by the Psychlos. Their reason for being on the planet: to obtain the universe's most valuable resource - gold. Spielbergian lead-you-by-the-nose storytelling never had it so good.

Now usually I would flip off the guard on my rage trigger right about now at the time wasted on this, but this time we watched Battlefield Earth Colon Ridiculously Redundantly Long Title Tacked On as part of our weekly trip to the bottom of the barrel, a schlock out with our cock out, Hecklefest. So instead of pointing out how terrible this was, let me tell you about how wicked awesome it is!

Barry Pepper, John Travolta and Forest Whitaker, proven masters of their craft, manage to clearly insult any and all acting coaches they've ever had when they don either animal skins or ogre-hands and oversized dreadlock heads. With scenes like tense conversations that could result in death taking place on miniputt courses, and John Travolta getting mad cause he bonked his head on a ceiling, the story itself is an obvious unintentional self-mockery, which makes the viewer often feel embarrassed, and that's a humbling feeling everyone needs to experience more often.

Best Scene Ever?

Without a doubt the one where the humans come up with an escape plan. Barry believes he has the upper hand. Travolta asks him, "and what makes you think we would just let you go?" The small group of humans jump into action, appearing with alien guns pointed at the disbelieving Psychlo. They wildly begin pulling the triggers only to discover that the guns aren't working.

"Don't you stupid humans know anything?" I paraphrase. "We never store our guns with ammunition in them, that's basic firearm safety", Travolta says in his uppity tone. And there I was, "actually yeah, that's proper safety and storage of firearms in our universe too Psychlo!" It's good to know that there's some things we do the same...


Suggested Drinking Games for Battlefield Earth:


Take a drink when:

John Travolta angrily barks a 'witty' stupid human observation

You see a close up of the Psyclo's stupid hands

Huge long tongues shoot out of Psyclo craws

Whenever you hear the word Man-Animal

Take 2 drinks when Travolta screams about Lunch

Yeah you won't be sober but you shouldn't quite die


Lessons Learned from Battlefield Earth:


Firearms safety is universal!

Dreadlocks don't always make you look sexy, even if your tongue can shoot out 3 feet.

The tramp stamp on a Psychlo woman is on her big-ass forehead.

I've said enough without even staring in on those effin' codpieces
I've said enough without even starting in on those effin' codpieces



Quality Meter - how bad it really is - 44%


Performance: 4 Cinematography: 7 Script: 3 Plot: 3 Mood: 5

(A huge Budget salvages the look, but the direction is obviously toilet)



Heckleometer - how awesome it is when you plan a good time with a bad film

Performance: 8 Cinematography: 7 Script: 8 Plot: 7 Mood: 7

(Constant reminders of attrocious characterization and delivery with the most laughable of plots makes for a leave-your-brain-at-the-door good time)



Overall Rating: 74% (Don't Explode In your Pantz)
Aftertaste:

It's all about the Travolta. He constantly talks about his status and his education, his intellect, but every sentence out of is mouth is delivered like a Manopaused prissy bitch. His character conveys absolutely no presence. He demands things like a tantrumming child, and honestly, I'm not entirely convinced this wasn't on purpose… I can't decide if that makes the film better for the heckle or worse. Throw in a smattering of the theme of Planet of the Apes and plot elements you whipped up when you were seven and you have what could very well be the perfect mix of terrible awesomeness.

| | | | | | |

Post new comment

The content of this field is kept private and will not be shown publicly.
  • Lines and paragraphs break automatically.
More information about formatting options
Captcha Image: you will need to recognize the text in it.
Please type in the letters/numbers that are shown in the image above.

Syndicate

Syndicate content