For Your Eyes Only (1981)

Oh THAT'S the weird bum Bond poster I recall from childhood, oooooh

Bond: Roger Moore (Moonraker • Octopussy)

Bond Girl: Melina Havelock  Played By: Carole Bouquet (Wasabi)
Bond Villain: Milos Columbo  Played By: Topol (Fiddler on the Roof • Flash Gordon)
Villain's Goon: Erich Kriegler  Played By: John Wyman (Equus)

Genre: Action Adventure Thriller (UK, USA)

Directed By: John Glen (Licence to Kill • The Living Daylights) 

Overview: The Brits lose their Automatic Targeting Attack Communicator (ATAC), the navy's submarine co-ordination device. A woman's parents are assassinated. Bond finds himself in the middle of both a political war and a personal one.

I've just impressed myself with my overwiew written there above, namely because based on the description, it actually looks like an interesting story, but rest assured kiddies, For Your Eyes Only is certainly not that.

Yes, as it is with 99% of films, there are some redeeming qualities and moments to be cherished: The scene where James Bond is chased by an army of cars from hilltop to valley down steep winding roads, Bond behind the wheel of a beat up yellow Citroën 2CV, yes indeed, that, I will admit is most probably one of the best chase scenes in the Bond Saga so far.

Granted, granted... this was amazing

But, sadly, the other two hours of film is nearly at the degree of 'chore' for entertainment value. Most astounding is how a $28,000,000 production would still opt for the same quality of soundwork found in Dr. No, a film that clearly cut corners in the sound department at a basic $1 million.

What with the pacing, the Bond Girl (yawn), the Bond car that's another hideous Lotus Esprit, a dramatic and dangerous cliffside scene that dragged on and fell flat (oh look at that  pun!), a goon that goes from 'Olympic-class rifleman'  to stumbling oaf with a rifle as soon as he's aiming at 007, villains who don't impress and political machinations I could care less about, there's a bit of a perfect storm in For Your Eyes Only - not to mention a horrible poster.

Oh and and for the first time James turns DOWN a girl, the Olympic figure skating Bibi Dahl -  proving that even he has values - James draws the line at 16 year olds, that's nice.

Wait I got one more: the worst gadget ever: Bonds describes to 'Q' what a man looks like, and Q sort of draws it on a computer, then it prints out a dot matrix photograph of the exact face of the man described - how laughably convenient.   

Bond Cars: That aforementioned Lotus monstrocity.

Bond Gadgets:
Said Lotus has a way of exploding when tampered with.
James owns a digital watch that has Instant Messaging capabilities - woop-dee-woo
The WORST gadget ever:

Don't even ASK

 All that to say, I fear that director John Glen's Bond films - five in total - are all going to be crap.

A crossbow, how quaint, why don't you run along and get daddy a real weapon, thanks

Performance: 7 Cinematography: 8 Script: 7 Plot: 7 Mood: 8

Overall Rating: 74% (If Only They Stay Open)

SuperSpyStats

Personal bodycount: 8

Foiled Assassinations: 9

Near Misses: 1

Dames Bedded: 2

Martinis Drank: 0

What's all this?