You Only Live Twice (1967)

It actually IS this Batshit Insane

Bond: Sean Connery (Dr. No • Thunderball)

Bond Girl: Aki  Played By: Akiko Wakabayashi (Ghidrah, the Three-Headed Monster • King Kong vs. Godzilla)
Bond Supervillain: Ernst Stavro Blofeld  Played By: Donald Pleasence (The Great Escape • Fantastic Voyage)
Bond Villain: Mr. Osato  Played By: Teru Shimada (Walk Don't Run)
Villain's Goon: Hans, Blofeld's Bodyguard  Played By: Ronald Rich

Genre: Action Adventure Thriller (UK)

Directed By: Lewis Gilbert (Moonraker • The Spy Who Loved Me)

Overview: When an American spacecraft is hijacked from orbit, the US threaten Russia with nuclear retaliation should it happen again. Bond is sent to Japan in hopes of finding the real enemy, SPECTRE, before America's next scheduled space launch.

The fomula that worked so well in Thunderball works just as well in You Only Live Twice, and although the fundamentals of the entire plot are pretty much one big flaw, it's a fantastic piece in our favorite Superspy's library.

You Only Live Twice begins with the yang to Thunderball's yin. Where Thunderball began with an extended scene involving the evil plot unfolding its first phase, the next Bond in the series does the same by showing Bond's death as the first phase to his next mission in Japan. Apparently Bond is the best agent MI6 has since the death of one man can make evil organizations all over the world breath a sigh of relief and start muchking about without impuity… but I digress. Of course he could always try using a DIFFERENT name… ok, I'll actually digress.

In space, there seems to be a little situation: an American spaceship got swallowed up by a bigger ship and the States blames Russia. Russia of course denies doing such a thing, yet America lays out an ultimatum to the ruskies: "I hereby give notice that in twenty days time, the United States intends to launch her next spaceship into orbit. My government has instructed me to inform you that any interference with this spaceship will be regarded as an act of war."

And here's my issue. The UK knows that a global terror ring by the name of SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion (SPECTRE) exists. In the first film, James Bond learned that Dr. Julius No was part of that ring - clearly employed under the Terrorism branch. In From Russia with Love, SPECTRE's so pissed about Julian's foiled plan that they deploy someone from the Revenge department to dispatch 007. In this film SPECTRE worked with/over/around the Russians, so the Soviets know that SPECTRE exists. James Bond worked with Felix Leiter of the CIA in Dr. No and again versus the office of Extortion in Thunderball. That means the Americans know that SPECTRE exists.

Englishman: Her Majesty's government is not convinced that this intruder missile originated from Soviet Russia. Our tracking station in Singapore reported faint echoes of this craft coming down in the Sea of Japan area. Might I suggest, gentlemen, that this is where you should concentrate your intelligence forces? The prime minister has asked me to assure you that this is what we propose to do. As a matter of fact, our man in Hong Kong is working on it now…

When all is said and done this is a small issue, but overlooking the proven and obvious enemy makes for a rather forced premise. Still, terrifying deadlines involving time management vs nuclear holocaust, well who can blame them for trying?

Bond Gadgets: Little Nellie! The poster above shows not a helicopter, but an autogyro, except of course, super souped up with mines, machine guns, two rocket launchers, two missiles, smoke ejectors
and my personal favorite - flame guns.

 By the fourth film, you'd think there would be some serious repetition going on, but I'm glad to say that the series is still in its evolutionary stages. We finally see the face of our supervillain, and are left with many questions. Our gadgets are better than the last, and James is still laying foreign pipe. Although there are some laughably campy bits, like Bond being surgically altered to look like a Japanese man… a very... Tall... Japanese man, and work out at a Ninja training facility, they're expected and enjoyable. Add a climax as epic as Thunderball's and finishing moves that are accompanied by punny one-liners and it looks like the Bond train will keep a rollin a good long time.

"Well, you can pet it all you want and what do I care if you name him Galore?"

Performance: 8 Cinematography: 8 Script: 7 Plot: 8 Mood: 8

Overall Rating: 78% (Sold On It The First Time)

SuperSpyStats

Personal bodycount: 12!

Foiled Assassinations: 6

Near Misses: 2!

Dames Bedded: 4!!!

Martinis Drank: 1

What's all this?