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Squish's SuperSpyStats

Bond
James Bond
Squish's SuperSpyStats
In hopes of learning more about James Bond, I thought I'd add to my reviews a few choice tidbits and factoids.
Here you will find very scientifically determined, through a wide range of criterion, exactly how magic Mr. Bond is. These SuperSpyStats will be updated after each individual review goes up, and is a tally of all total films combined.
Films Screened
fifteen!
#15 - The Living Daylights

The Best Bond

He So Suave!
Sean Connery

The Movie Bond Was Awesomest In

Live And Let Die (1973)
Live And Let Die (1973)

Best Bond Girl
Diana Rigg

Second Best Bond Girl
Lois Chiles

Lois Chiles (Moonraker)

Best Bond Girl Character Name

Pussy Galore
Pussy Galore (Goldfinger)

Second Best Bond Girl Character Name

Holly Goodhead

Holly Goodhead (Moonraker)

Best Bond Villain
Ernst Bloefeld
Ernst Stavro Blofeld (Donald Pleasance - You Only Live Twice)
Second Best Bond Villain
He's just about as fuckin crazy as Bloefeld
Max Zorin
(A View To A Kill)

Best Bond Goon

 But can he actually eat a shark that's trying to eat him?
Jaws (The Spy Who Loved Me, Moonraker)

Second Best Bond Goon

Cause he's like that Voodoo God
Baron Samedi (Live And Let Die)

Best 'Q' Gadget

Little Nellie
Little Nellie
(You Only Live Twice)

Portable in 4 large cases - includes machine guns, heat seeking missiles, rocket lauchers and bombs

Second Best 'Q' Gadget


Aston Marten DB5 

Aston Marten DB5 (Goldfinger, Thunderball)

Including but not limited to: oil slick, smokescreen, dual machine guns, bulletproof windows

Best Bond Car

It's almost not fair, I mean it's an Aston Marten
Aston Marten DB5
(Goldfinger, Thunderball)

Second Best Bond Car

Sub!

Lotus Esprit (The Spy Who Loved Me)

Personal bodycount

One hundred and sixteen

Of which FIVE were barehanded kills


Foiled Assassinations

68 times makes for Messy Modern Art

Near Misses

Twelve!!!

Martinis Drank

Ten!

Dames Bedded
Thirty Seven!?!

You need a legend to the above stats? Don't forget to hover over images!

In all cases, "The Best" refers to my personal favorite - The Best Bond Car refers to one he actually drove, not merely rode in, and the Best 'Q' Gadget is one that 'Q' actually provided Bond with.

Personal bodycount (of which are with his bare hands) refers to personal and intentional kills. To clarify: when he shoots a guy, that's a kill. When he deftly maneuvers during a car chase only to discover that his pursuers have erupted in a billowing cloud of explosion behind him, that is not a kill. Yes traps count. No, nuking the underground base and killing thousands doesn't.  Shooting a grenade out of a guy's hand that then blows everyone up... not direct enough, sorry!

Foiled Assassinations: Spiders in the night, tied to lasers, run off the road, thrown into shark tanks. Anytime someone tried to kill James and failed because Bond is that much awesome. Knowing someone is in the woods and randomly firing into it, that doesn't count. We're talking outright "I'm going to kill this James Bond fellow" intentional murder.

Near Misses: I thought I'd also include little moments when our favorite Superspy lived by pure chance. If a sniper misses, a knifer shanks the wrong guy, or the Bond Girl karate chops the blow-dart poisoner in the nick of time, this count shows how often Bond almost bit it without ever realizing, you know, to enhance Bond's magicitude.

Dames bedded: Chika-bow-Ow-wow

Martinis Drank: Whether shaken, stirred, or thrown in someone's face, if he had a sip onscreen.

|

Henry Winkler says "Heyyyy! Look at all these foiled assassinations!"


Cool, I'm glad you realized who that was!

Fonzie says get Er Done

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