Tripping Stardust Through Fetid Film - Part II

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  • user warning: Can't open file: 'cache.MYI' (errno: 145) query: UPDATE cache SET data = '<p align=\"justify\"><img class=\"image preview\" src=\"/guts/files/images/KOOLSTEPA.jpg\" border=\"0\" alt=\"Cool cat\" title=\"Cool cat\" width=\"221\" height=\"333\" align=\"left\" />Hi kiddies,</p>\n<p align=\"justify\">In <a href=\"/guts/?q=node/3401\">Part I</a> of my lovely dissertation on toilet films, I explained my reasons for my new found love of stinky sin-ema. In this, <strong>Part II</strong>, I&#39;ll just dive right in and tell you why you, fetid film fan, should see these titles above the rest of the floaters.</p>\n<div align=\"justify\"><strong><em>Black Belt Jones </em>(1974) </strong><font color=\"#ff6600\">Blaxploitation Action</font>: The premise of <strong><e in /guts/includes/database.mysql.inc on line 120.
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Cool catHi kiddies,

In Part I of my lovely dissertation on toilet films, I explained my reasons for my new found love of stinky sin-ema. In this, Part II, I'll just dive right in and tell you why you, fetid film fan, should see these titles above the rest of the floaters.

Black Belt Jones (1974) Blaxploitation Action: The premise of Black Belt Jones is the safeguarding of Watts, glorious black ghetto/suburb of Los Angeles, from some pretty bad dudes. Sadly, many of we Canadians don't know about Watts, its diversity, its mix of socio-economic troubles, its deep, distinctly multi-layered uniqueness and the strife its denizens face daily, especially since it sits in the shadow of the far more popularly infamous Compton. With such wonderful films as Killer of Sheep we can begin to learn about the complex issues facing Watts. Black Belt Jones also does a wonderful job of explaining how to break out of a formidable pattern of behaviour marked by generations without opportunity and education - namely, by taking a bunch of afroed guys from a karate school and making them kick crazy-shirted brothers into next week.

Best scene ever? Can't decide between the first scene, where Jones gets into a fight with some hoods in a parking lot and proceeds to jump around kicking their asses all over the place in slow motion - or the last fight scene in the car wash where everyone including the hot Nubian babe is knee deep in car wash suds.

Budget - Einh, you know, it's no The Wiz, but at least it's not The Wiz. God that sucked. This on the other hand - good times.

Fists of Glory

Future Force (1990) Action Sci-Fi: David Carradine. If you don't know who he is, then you haven't seen "Kung-Fu", or "Kung-Fu: The Legend Continues", or Deathrace 2000. That makes you a loser. Luckily Quentin did the world a favour and made him Bill of Kill Bill fame and now you remember where you've seen him. Good. Well in Future Force, Carradine is the leader of the Civilian Operated Police State huntin' bounties in a dystopian future, that future being 1991. Carradine and his Nintendo Power Glove go after bad guys and reap the rewards until he's framed for something or other and has to do something or other to stop someone or other - who is a very bad person.
Best scene ever? My buddy hurt himself laughing when the power glove took out the boss at the end all by it's remote controlled lonesome - especially when it started clocking him in the nards - relentlessly. Nothing beats flying glove cam especially when it's zooming in an' out on some dude's bloody crotch.

Budget - Sweet enough to have some lightning effects and lame enough to have nothing better than lightning effects and a rubber glove with metal hunks on it.

Dwarven fun galore

For Y'ur Height Only (1981) Action Comedy: When you think Filipino film, very few titles should come to mind, but much as it is with Indian film, the Philippines has proven that they can play with the big boys when it comes to appropriating and distilling other peoples' works and making it their own, namely the Bond Film. Add that little people make the best spies cause they can hide in the tiniest spaces, yet are just as strong as any martial arts expert and you have a three foot dude running around with jetpacks and flying remote control hats, stompin the biggest dogs in the yard. It's wicked!

Best scene ever? There's a couple. First is the scene where Agent 00 saves the hot tall lady love interest from a sniper. They proceed to talk over drinks, where she exasperatingly declares, "Yeah, ever since I betrayed the guy, I get shot at once or twice a week." then proceeds to shrug, unsure of how to deal.

The other awesome scene has our disco-clad hero momentarily running from the mob of baddies to regroup. He barges into a hotel room, heading towards the window. The Filipino lady sitting on the bed is shocked and awed. Agent 00 stops, turns around climbs up on her and gives her a hot kiss, which she gladly accepts. No time to stay and chat! Off he goes out the window!

Budget - Parking lots, back yards, alleys, staircases, your mom's house, a warehouse and an office - cheap. Jetpack, hat on a string, custom tailored little man suits? Yeah we're talking trillions.

Next in our Fetid Film feast, I'll be sharing my personal favourite, so stay tuned!

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