Tripping Stardust Through Fetid Film Part X - The Car (1977)

What Evil HONKS!

Genre: Horror Thriller

Starring: Ronny Cox (Deliverance • Robocop), James Brolin (Westworld • Amityville Horror)

Directed By: Elliot Silverstein

Overview: A small desert town. An invincible car without a driver. A rampage of mayhem and terror.

This undead article from the archives was originally published on August 8th, 2008, still in the early days of Hecklefest. Enjoy! 

No one in their right mind would dare call The Car 'good' without such a validating preamble: for a completely plotless C-Grade Hidden Phlegm film, The Car is pretty sweet.

The cast is comprised of a surprisingly successful bunch, and though not a big name in film, Elliot Silverstein did direct a few episodes of the original "Twilight Zone", "Naked City" and "Tales From the Crypt".

The film opens on a lonely stretch of desert highway, the heat waves coming off the ground shrouding a spec of black off in the distance. Then, slowly, in an opening identical to High Plains Drifter, The Car makes its appearance. And would you believe it, this most impressive vehicle was designed by George Barris, the very same man who designed that bubbly beast in the original television series' Batmobile. Throughout the film, there are frequent panoramic shots of the desert and on a technical level, there are many innovative shots, some genuine moments of high suspense, and if that doesn't float your boat, there's always Evil Car-O-Vision - and though nothing more than a red filter over the lens, well you know the driver is inately bad ass, you know, cause he sees red...

The Car is the kind of film that could have earned cult status had it only had a story worthy of... average intellect. In a scene revealing the nature of The Car and its driver we find The Car outside of a cemetery, having followed the school marching band it was chasing (how perfect is that?) into it. The Car cannot enter as the place is hallowed ground. Rather than making the obvious leap of logic to "Hey Luke, the evil driverless car can't come into blessed areas! Clearly that means it's unholy!", the story waffles when the local law enforcement spend three scenes discussing its mystery and how to stop the malignant auto.

Still, somehow, in all that time, never does anyone suggest a ghost from the past getting even, a demon released from the ancient burial grounds that housed it, or any number of other scenarios I was coming up with regularly throughout the film. The worst is not what isn't given but what is taken away: in a scene that could have been dramatic and terrifying with such a possibility as someone actually getting into the empty car, learning its secrets and possibly going mad at the premise of being made puppet to The Car's games... yes children, instead of that awesome possibility, The Car opens its door into the cop's chest and knocks him unconscious until he wakes up in the hospital.

Jesus H. Christ.

What that means is The Car, it's backstory and it's reasoning is nothing more than a mechanical Jaws, driving around outside of the warmer Hell waters it's accustomed to swimming around in because it's pissy and hungry.

I also need mention the lack of blood or gore in this smash-em up road-fest. At ALL! Final verdict: films with such potential have so far to fall. The disappointment isn't in knowing it was bad, it's in knowing how good it could have been with the right spark plugs firing in the script.

Too bad there were no scenes of the children's marching band getting pegged off...

Overall Rating: 62% (Beep, Beep! Beep, Beep... No)

Aftertaste:

After all is said and done though, this pretty sweet vehicle can be yours if you want it, eBay being what it is. Another fun tidbit - in an episode of "Futurama", Bender becomes a werecar, and go figure he looks identical to The Car.