Advocate, The (1993)

OINK!

Genre: Period Mystery Drama (France, UK)

Starring: Colin Firth (Girl with a Pearl Earring; Valmont), Ian Holm (Lord Of War; eXistenZ)

Directed By: Leslie Megahey

Overview: A Parisian advocate moves to the French countryside to help his fellow countrymen in matters of law. When he discovers his countrymen include the hog, his client, on trial for murdering a Jewish boy, he finds life a little more complicated than expected. Such is life in medieval France.

Performance:

This director is a name unknown to most everyone, mainly because they've only directed TV movies up until this one, then nothing. The cast on the other hand, is filled with recognizable faces. I'm sure that anyone working on this project knew it to be a decent career builder, nothing fantastic, but unique and distinct. Of course everything changed for them when this got to the advertising execs...
Rating: 8

Cinematography:

The rich, lush French countryside with warm-looking hearths... and gallows and dungeons... and boobs. Lots and lots of boobs. Oh, I forgot the silly hats! Gotta love a world where the peasantry have better style than the bourgeoisie. I like medieval films, I like the outfits. You will too. Oh, and there's a ton of boobs!
Rating: 8

Script:

"In a world where nothing is truly reasonable, nothing is truly mad."

There's a few wordy gems in this film, some 'yon clever wit' even, but God forbid the French would speak FRENCH. Even in the 90s they had English-speaking actors portraying Frenchmen. You know it's France because they say it's France, and they say 'Bonjour', and 'Monsieur' and 'Adieu'. Marketing potentially fantastic festival films to the retard demographic is your first wrong move. The same people who hate subtitles also hate period films. Duh.
Rating: 7

Plot:

This plays on the premise than in medieval France, animals could face the same trial and sentencing as a human. In the opening scene, we have a man wearing a noose, to be hung for bestiality, and the 'she-ass' he fornicated is right there next to him, wearing a noose herself. I enjoyed the fact that the hog on trial meant so much to gypsies who it belonged to, expensive as it was. I also appreciated the realistic denouement of the conclusion. I mean there's also the mystery of who actually killed the boy, so there's enough meat to go around.
Rating: 8

Mood:

Also titled The Hour Of The Pig, I found this was odd enough to mention its strangeness, but not so daring that it slipped into my Weird and Wacky zone. This is what is ultimately flawed about the whole film. Rather than playing up the superstition and mythology prevalent in this dark era and immersing us into a time of fear, our main character plays the bridge to the viewer, the man planting us firmly in today's beliefs system. Less believable would have been more enjoyable and I agree that a time so far removed should be stranger to us than this film made it out to be. Such potential ruined.
Rating: 7

And now, a word from our Vituperative host...

Overall Rating: 76% (A Little Muddy)

Aftertaste:

Hello kiddies! Have you ever seen a poster or film cover that was such bullshit you just had to mock and deride it publicly? Well I've never seen one that was anywhere near as hobbled as the one above, and I dare both Duncanson and Damian to top it...

"When murder is the motive, seduction is the last defence". I will concur that the woman who owns the pig (possibly that recognizable silhouette in the back) does what she can to get her hog back from the clutches of the law, but the tagline on this poster is a complete misrepresentation of any of the plot elements. and murder isn't any motive in this film! When has murder EVER been a motive?! It's the motive that LEADS to murder, dumbass.

"Sexy!". Whatever 14-year-old working for the paper that quoted him was obviously watching this on mute and ignoring the point, including the fact that some of the nudes were beaten and tortured prisoners. Hurray for Misogyny!

Does that look like a medieval nighty? NO. Why is that? Because it's not, though it should be. Also I'm pretty certain that the woman on the cover isn't ACTUALLY EVEN IN THE FILM. I don't even think that's Colin Firth, damnit! Harlequin bookcover bullshit!

I'm not even going to get into that pathetic silhouette arch crap, what a waste of prime space.

I only wish this rant could have served to sate my rage, sadly it doesn't.