Genre: Sports Drama

Starring: Robert DeNiro (Goodfellas • Meet The Parents), Joe Pesci (Casino • My Cousin Vinny)

Directed By: Martin Scorsese (Taxi Driver • The Departed)

Overview: This is the story of a middleweight boxer's trials and tribulations with his brother, his wife, and himself.

Feel free to click here to skip the spoiler bit at the beginning.

"NO I SAIDS I LUVS YUH HAIR!"

Performance: 10 Cinematography: 9 Script: 10 Plot: 8 Mood: 9

Overall Rating: 92% (Rage On)

Aftertaste:

It's classic, you know it, I'm done wit choo guys.

Even the hideous need love from time to time...

Genre: Silent Vampire Horror Thriller (Germany)

Starring: Max Schreck (The Grand Duke's Finances), Gustav von Wangenheim

Directed By: F.W. Murnau (The Last Laugh • Tabu: A Story of the South Seas)

Overview: Based on Bram Stoker's novel, Dracula, this is the story of a man who travels to Count Dracula's isolated home in Transylvania in order to sell him a house, unfortunately discovering along the way that he's a plague-carrying vampire.

Max Schreck. He plays a weirdo, an eccentric recluse, and a hideous, twisted vampire. Without him, Nosferatu: Symphony of Horror quite possibly may never have stood the test of time. Direct spin offs and remakes include Shadow of the Vampire, a story about how Max Schreck the actor was an actual vampire, a fantastically updated Nosferatu The Vamypre (1979) by Werner Herzog, with Klaus Kinski as the wretched beast, the failed show "Kindred: The Embraced" had a clan of vampires named 'Nosferatu' who all looked exactly like Orlock... Hell even Weekly World News gave proppers to the pasty-white grown up bat boy.  I'll admit even I'm partial to that cute old bald freak, given that he's my #9 favourite dude on screen.  Sadly the other players in Murnau's Horror melodrama aren't nearly as  impressive, though our gitchy fly and spider eating Cobblepot-looking madman did recently earn a few laughs for his copious eyebrows.

"Your wife. She has a lovely neck." - Count Orlock

"Your wife. She has a lovely throat." - Count Dracula

 

Having recently seen this for the second time, I noticed this second viewing was a different edition of script.  Most notable were the character names having returned to the originals from the novel: Dracula rather than Orlock, Renfield rather than Knock, Jonathan Harker instead of Hutter. Prana, the company that distributed Murnau's film went bankrupt when they lost a lawsuit by Bram Stoker's Estate for copyright infringement back in the 20s. I suppose that's all water under the bridge now, though I always preferred the way 'Orlock' rolls off the tongue...

Shreckin' it to the Max! 

Performance: 7 Cinematography: 8 Script: 6 Plot: 7 Mood: 8

Overall Rating: 72% (A Blood-Letting Good Time)

Aftertaste:

Having  Nosferatu at #234 on IMDb's  Top 250 is still a bit of a boost to get the common man out to see a silent  film. After having seen this film in a crowded theatre obviously new to Silent cinema, it's clear that time has worn away the edges of Nosferatu: Symphony of Horror, as it elicits occasional laughter rather than terror from time to time, but Nosferatu is still short and sweet, and definitely one of the 20's most timeless films.

Yes, lifeless

Genre: Adventure Drama (Canada)

Starring: Valerie Buhagiar (Sheltered Life • Highway 61), Don McKeller (Monkey Warfare • Last Night)

Directed By: Bruce McDonald (Pontypool • Hardcore Logo)

Overview: A girl is sent up north by a music promoter to bring back a deliquent band. She doesn't know how to drive, she has no car, she has no doubt that she'll get them home.

The Boredom Corridor

Performance: 6 Cinematography: 7 Script: 5 Plot: 6 Mood: 6

Overall Rating: 60% (Toss To The Roadside)

Aftertaste:

Granted, perhaps writing about the touching-without-being-saccarine One Week would have made for better CanCon review. Perhaps it would have been best to warn you of the absolutely failed potential that was the beautiful yet meanderingly bland Fear[s] of the Dark. Ah well, no need to mourn these unborn reviews to the tune of The Red Violin. Just know that instead of those reviews I was making the world safe by blasting zombies emblazonned with the Hardcore Logo of Umbrella Corp!

What Evil HONKS!

Genre: Horror Thriller

Starring: Ronny Cox (Deliverance • Robocop), James Brolin (Westworld • Amityville Horror)

Directed By: Elliot Silverstein

Overview: A small desert town. An invincible car without a driver. A rampage of mayhem and terror.

This undead article from the archives was originally published on August 8th, 2008, still in the early days of Hecklefest. Enjoy! 

No one in their right mind would dare call The Car 'good' without such a validating preamble: for a completely plotless C-Grade Hidden Phlegm film, The Car is pretty sweet.

The cast is comprised of a surprisingly successful bunch, and though not a big name in film, Elliot Silverstein did direct a few episodes of the original "Twilight Zone", "Naked City" and "Tales From the Crypt".

The film opens on a lonely stretch of desert highway, the heat waves coming off the ground shrouding a spec of black off in the distance. Then, slowly, in an opening identical to High Plains Drifter, The Car makes its appearance. And would you believe it, this most impressive vehicle was designed by George Barris, the very same man who designed that bubbly beast in the original television series' Batmobile. Throughout the film, there are frequent panoramic shots of the desert and on a technical level, there are many innovative shots, some genuine moments of high suspense, and if that doesn't float your boat, there's always Evil Car-O-Vision - and though nothing more than a red filter over the lens, well you know the driver is inately bad ass, you know, cause he sees red...

The Car is the kind of film that could have earned cult status had it only had a story worthy of... average intellect. In a scene revealing the nature of The Car and its driver we find The Car outside of a cemetery, having followed the school marching band it was chasing (how perfect is that?) into it. The Car cannot enter as the place is hallowed ground. Rather than making the obvious leap of logic to "Hey Luke, the evil driverless car can't come into blessed areas! Clearly that means it's unholy!", the story waffles when the local law enforcement spend three scenes discussing its mystery and how to stop the malignant auto.

Still, somehow, in all that time, never does anyone suggest a ghost from the past getting even, a demon released from the ancient burial grounds that housed it, or any number of other scenarios I was coming up with regularly throughout the film. The worst is not what isn't given but what is taken away: in a scene that could have been dramatic and terrifying with such a possibility as someone actually getting into the empty car, learning its secrets and possibly going mad at the premise of being made puppet to The Car's games... yes children, instead of that awesome possibility, The Car opens its door into the cop's chest and knocks him unconscious until he wakes up in the hospital.

Jesus H. Christ.

What that means is The Car, it's backstory and it's reasoning is nothing more than a mechanical Jaws, driving around outside of the warmer Hell waters it's accustomed to swimming around in because it's pissy and hungry.

I also need mention the lack of blood or gore in this smash-em up road-fest. At ALL! Final verdict: films with such potential have so far to fall. The disappointment isn't in knowing it was bad, it's in knowing how good it could have been with the right spark plugs firing in the script.

Too bad there were no scenes of the children's marching band getting pegged off...

Overall Rating: 62% (Beep, Beep! Beep, Beep... No)

Aftertaste:

After all is said and done though, this pretty sweet vehicle can be yours if you want it, eBay being what it is. Another fun tidbit - in an episode of "Futurama", Bender becomes a werecar, and go figure he looks identical to The Car.

Having recently watched Brazil, and as one is wont to do with an interesting film, I actually discussed it with friends, one of which went on to tell me that Michael Pallin's character was one of his favorite characters in film history.

This of course got me thinking about my own personal most influential and/or favorite characters and so here we are. But rather than declaring, I felt more like learning, so I thought I'd spread a little meme around.

Following the standard meme structure I'm tagging five film bloggers and asking them 'What are your favorite 10 characters in film?'

The rules:

1.) Name 10 film characters that are your favorite and explain why. We aren't talking about the actor who played them. Hamlet, Sherlock Holmes or Bond may be your favorite filmic sights on screen but you may hate the Mel Gibsons,  Basil Rathbones or George Lazenbys who've played them. Of course no one's stopping you from mentioning your favorite players if you like.

 
1a.) I capped myself at ten, but don't let that number stop you.
 
2.) Tag 5 more film bloggers when you're done, email them, let 'em in on it, link back.
 
3.) Read their posts and enjoy!

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Well Kiddies, here are my meme-ger beginnings!

Squish's favorite 10 characters in film

 

10.) Karl Childers of Slingblade (1996). The main character in Slingblade is a simpleton. Because of this, Karl's is a mind stunted and without proper moral filter.  The film begins with Karl getting ready to leave the institution he was committed to for a double homicide. We follow him as he attempts to get back on his feet, outside in society.  Karl's story is touching without being saccharine, poignant and with an outlook that is often very black and white while still being full of quirky moments, like walking into his adopted family's bedroom in the middle of the night  holding a hammer and asking to be baptized, matter-of-factly.

 

Also, ah likes da way he tawks and when he eats fries, he likes the mustards on em.. Ummm-hmmm.

 

 

9.) Nosferatu. Very few film fans need an introduction to Dracula's freakier, rattier / battier alter ego. Nosferatu was a great way to make Dracula more terrifying, less human and further from lawsuits of the Bram Stoker Estate, who sued F.W. Murnau for making the original film without permission. Nosferatu is definitely a freakishly frightening dude, and a completely original slant on the machismo-exuding Count Tepes, whether the original Max Shrek in the 1922 Nosferatu, a Symphony of Horror, or Klaus Kinski in Herzog's 1979 Nosferatu the Vampyre. Besides, he's one of the iconic silhouettes on my title bar, I need to given him his proppers. 

 

8.) The Thing - The Thing (1982). So you're in the Antarctic and it's freezing cold and nothing save a penguin can exist in this environment. Surprise kiddies! The Thing is nameless because it can be ANYTHING! It's crazy, it's aggressive and may very well be one of the most original monsters ever created, because it mutates you from the inside into a twisted, freakish and terrifying… Thing. Also, few horror films have been made into "X-Files" episodes. Without a doubt The Thing was clearly the inspiration for "Ice".

7.) Frank Serpico - Serpico (1973). Does it count if the character is an actual person? This is one of my highest rated films for the simple fact that his character is so real. NYC Police Office Frank Serpico was a man who didn't take bribe money, and for it he got shot in the face (not a spoiler, the movie starts out that way). Based on the true story of a man who went again the system to uncover corruption in the police force, Frank Serpico is a great character because he's a loose cannon, his relationships fail, he hates his career, he's even a bit of a bum, he's an honest man in a dishonest union and most of all, he has genuine human fear, and that terror expresses itself constantly. By the way, the real Serpico's still out there, he's even got his own blog. Neat eh? 

6.) Charles 'Chuck' Tatum - Ace in the Hole a.k.a. The Big Carnival (1951). Larger than life itself, Tatum is the glibbest type of reporter. He's as charismatic as a politician but there's this streak of the creepy Carney to him. "I can handle big news and little news. And if there's no news, I'll go out and bite a dog." He's manipulative and driven to make a story out of a molehill. And when the dame says "I've seen some hard-boiled eggs before, but you - you're 20 minutes", you'll understand what she means.

5.) Mista Pink - Above all the other Reservoir Dogs (1992) trying to escape a diamond heist gone wrong, he's the standard, the center of the bell curve by which we may judge the others. He doesn't have a bunch of huge secrets like Mister Orange, he's no good-guy soft-heart like Mister White or a super-villain like Mister Blonde - he's your average diamond thief and a gitchy dude at that, who, as you all know is just trying "to keep it professional!". Yeah and as one of the iconic silhouettes on my title bar, what did you expect?

4.) 'Lih-tole' Alex of A Clockwork Orange (1971). Well you probably know him, if only by the poster of him all tied up, strapped to a chair with his eyes machine-forced open. Our ultra-violence loving, gulliver-tolchoking droog gets his fill of the the old in-out when sent to prison for reprogramming. That programming has some unforeseen side effects which pose the question: should justice really come by any means? His story may burrow fundamental roots into your sense of punishment, which makes Anthony Burgess' character ever-important. And while we're at it, anyone who can pull off cane, derby, false eyelash and jock on the outside of his pants and look super-cool, well, that's something worthy of a videy.

3.) Toshiro Mifune's played countless roles (actually only around 177) but the suave justice-loving malignance-ending bodyguard Man-With-No-Name Sanjuro Kuwabatake / Sanjûrô Tsubaki / The Samurai  from Yojimbo (1961) and its sequel Sanjuro (1962) is just the type of guy we can look up to. He's wise beyond his years, witty with Warrior Code wisdom and about a million times better than his western nameless shootist counterpart in the inferior unauthorized rip-off A Fistful of Dollars. Sorry Clint. Don't feel bad, you get yours later.

2.) HAL 9000 - of 2001: A Space Odyssey (1968), though he's also in 2010: The Year We Made Contact (1984). Evil computer runs amok a million miles away from Earth while astronauts lie powerless in his wake. His creepily smooth voice sends shudders up our spines when he closes airlocks with matter-of-fact apologies, and is more than enough to make HAL 9000 one of cinema's best villains. He's definitely one of mine. Even Wall-E tributed him recently. Good for you Disney. 

1.) The Stranger - High Plains Drifter (1973). Frankly, I thought it would be harder to pick my favorite character of all time. From obvious choices like Darth Vader to film history constants like Bond, I was pleasantly surprised that it took less than two minutes for me to say "Definitely The Drifter". The character studied in this film begins as one of the most malicious, evil men that ever splashed celluloid, what with rape and murder as his first acts. But as the story unfolds we learn that there is  somehow a poetic method to his madness on several different levels, not to mention having a conclusion that is one of the best in movie history.

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And that's that. Thanks for reading.

Now for my five chosen victims. Check them out and see where this thing spreads:

1 - My Cultural Snob may have an opinion or two.